HolyHell

It's finally come to my attention that I've let this blog fall for far too long. My last post was way back when college started...now the school year is over and I suppose I could commence writing entries in here once again. *breathes* soooo here we go giant update!

My first semester of college was ok. In November I broke up with my girlfriend of three years because it just was not working out... I decided that for once in my life, I wasn't going to be an moron and do something because I didn't want to hurt anyone else... I realized that being happy is an important part of being happy and unfortunately sometimes you can't make yourself AND others happy and sometimes you have to choose selfishly to make yourself happy...make sure that you're 'o.k.'. So long story short... I broke up with her.

Around the beginning of January, I sort of started seeing my friend Emily who was there for me before and after my break-up. Things were very easy with her. She's an interesting person; she's musical, she's extremely knowledgeable about...well...everything. To a lot of people, she probably looks intimidating. She probably looks like she's either a very happy or very neutral person...She's not. She's not the rock she makes herself out to be. She's a sweet and very sensitive person... And I didn't wanna do anything to fuck up with her, so we took things very VERY slowly. Just-to-say we were seeing each other type deal.

By March... Emily and I were talking less. It kinda sucked, I felt hurt, I felt as though she had given up on me. I let my mind settle into that thought. But I had started talking to my best friend Chels E.'s very amazing girlfriend. ...now ex-best friend and ex-best friend's ex-girlfriend...I know, I know. EXPLAIN. I will. Here goes...

As I said, we began talking more often. I'm not exactly sure how that started but it did. I already had a tiny crush on this girl, nothing drastic of course I just thought she was a really nice girl and that my friend was lucky to have her. Not an unusual thing, I was happy for my friend. Anyhow. As you can imagine, the more we spoke, the more I began to like this girl. She's funny, she's sweet, she's intelligent and selfless. She likes the same korny things I do. The more I thought of this, the more I began to gain feelings for her. In a way, I enjoyed the feeling. I was amused by the fact that I could tell she was feeling the same because at the time, it wasn't a big deal to me. It was all in my head and heart and no one knew and it wasn't going to go anywhere...right?
Wrong.
We eventually ended up admitting our feelings for each other. We agreed not to let it go anywhere, that it wasn't a huge thing, we couldn't help it and it would probably go away. We kept on talking...kept on texting...kept on skyping...started talking more about feelings...occasionally flirting...Began to be a little afraid...Began to be a little sad...Dreaming of us together one day but thinking there was no way it could ever happen. That's my BEST FRIEND's girlfriend. NOT mine. Things got so difficult... I couldn't even handle looking at them together... I began to develop slight jealousy issues but also a whole lot of guilt.

Things took a turn the Sunday February 28th... That day before my shift I specifically remember texting Tiff... And her saying something along the lines of 'you can't tell what the future holds'...Later that night...halfway through my shift, I snuck out my phone to check my texts... I felt like something might be wrong...I was right. Tiffany and Chelsea broke up. Now, you're probably thinking what the majority of people thought... "she broke up with her for you." Again, you'd be wrong. They broke up because Tiff needed time to think...That's it. The next day I find out my ex is going on a date with Tiff's ex. First of all, wtf. Second of all....wtf. The Tuesday right after that, I went to hang out with Emily. Things went well. Except the fact that tiff texted me saying she couldn't do this anymore, she doesn't like me that way and all this crap... Needless to say I was pretty upset. I ended up crying on Emily's shoulder. I felt like such a tool. It's the only point in time I've EVER been mad at Tiffany. But more so.. I was angry at myself for having let in the thought of her liking me. I didn't expect anything to happen between us. Hell, I was scared of it. I already felt like I messed up enough just having liked her.. I ended up asking out Emily through texting that night before I went home. I didn't get any reply to it so I simply left it at "I guess that's a no". When I was finally home, I couldn't sleep. I believe I slept a total of 3 miserable hours. And then I finally texted Tiffany. I told her I don't care if she doesn't like me, I don't care that nothing can happen.... I just cared about keeping her in my life. I couldn't deal with losing her. Besides, she'd promised never to abandon me... I found out that she had ...had a rough night...to say the least..and got worried about her. After talking for a bit I went over to her place to make sure she was alright and try to take care of her. Things were complicated...very complicated. I can't even explain everything on here because it was so complicated. Things were hard, I tried to be there for her best I could, tried to be strong on my part because I was very soft on this girl... I began to love this girl very quickly... We started seeing each other after a while... I told her to take her time... we took that time. And March 14th 2010, we started officially going out. :). Things have been slightly dramatic with ex problems but our relationship itself has been nothing but ups. I fell i n love with her. March 23rd, after the Billy Talent concert (which was AWESOME), she told me she was in love with me too...

So, now I have the most amazing girlfriend anyone could ever ask for. Her name is Tiffany Lundrigan. I've never been happier than I am now. It's the greatest reality I've ever experienced, it feels like a dream.

Well, that was one hell of a long update. Much longer than intended. But yeah :).
Later days!

Time keeps moving on and on and on, soon we'll all be gone...

College means you're changing, college means adapting to new territory and creating new identities. College means seperation anxiety and a lot of sacrifice. College means hard work. University is the same. But what a lot of people forget is....it's also a new territory to EXPLORE, to conquer, to adventure in and have fun. Things need to be balanced in life. As an aspiring accountant, I can see the importance of this in more than one way. When you have a business, you have to balance your books. Your debits and credits. It's important that it all stays balances. So does work and play. All work no play, like all debts and no profits, results in a lot of stress, hairpulling and pent up emotions. Eventually all leading to negative effects, possibly even going crazy. All party, no work...like all cash no debts...is complete bull..it also puts you into trouble. Youre happy while it lasts but in the end, you're still fucked. Keep it balanced. I don't wanna lose my friends to hard work and anxiety vs no hang-out time...Yes, it's selfish for one to ask someone else to drop all work to play....work is important. But, to get away from it...helps relieve a lot. Hell, you can even work WITH someone and have a blast if you really want to. I dont wanna lose you to stress, money and university....:( come out and play.

Reckless Abandon - Blink-182

On and on, reckless abandon
Something's wrong, this is gonna shock them
Nothing to hold on to
We'll use this song to lead you on

I learned a lot today,
not sure if I'll get laid,
not sure if I'll fail or pass,
kissed every girl in class

Everybody would waste it all,
to have a summer that they could call,
memory that's full of fun,
fucked up, when it's all done

On and on, reckless abandon
Something's wrong, this is gonna shock them
Nothing to hold on to
We'll use this song to lead you on
And break the truth with more bad news
we left a scar, size extra large

Sip a drink of the alcohol
end up kneeling in bathroom stalls
Eyes are red and my movements slow
too high, got vertigo
He took a shit in the bathroom tub,
and fed the dog the brownie drugs
Tried hard to not get caught,
he fucked a chick in a parking lot

On and on, reckless abandon
Something's wrong, this is gonna shock them
Nothing to hold on to
We'll use this song to lead you on
And break the truth with more bad news
we left a scar, size extra large

Break a window and bust a wall,
making fun of your friends mom
Turn the music up way too loud,
Charge the pizza to the house
Everybody would waste it all,
to have a summer that they could call
Memory that's full of fun,
fucked up when it's all done

On and on, reckless abandon
Something's wrong, this is gonna shock them
Nothing to hold on to
We'll use this song to lead you on
And break the truth with more bad news
we left a scar, size extra large

I sort of had a good summer this year...but honestly, working blows. I'd rather just do my thing all summer long. Three thumbs up for laziness and one cheer for the person who realizes they only have two thumbs.

Should I Stay Or Should I GO

You know, it's hard being the quiet kid when you're really just waiting to explode into hyper mode and say stupid shit when people think you're abnormally mature and shy. The worst part is, it makes you wonder what you really are. For instance, I wish I could just act the way I am with my friends at work or at school or anywhere for that matter but I'm just not like that, I always end up being very quiet and solitary. A lot of people view me as very serious or snobby, possibly only shy but I doubt that after months they still think that's all it is, though..it pretty much is. I'd love to just go around joking with everyone but the thing is, most people don't understand my humor.

And see that's what happens. No one in the world will ever know a person unless they're pretty good friends. I'm sure everyone's felt as though no one understood them at LEAST once in their life and for some it's just an every day thing. But when it comes to friends, you know they'll get you. It feels almost surreal, it's like you share a mind sometimes. For instance, you'll have friends who can know what you're talking about when even YOU don't know what you're talking about. Sometimes, they finish your sentences. You share everything with them. Past memories and stupid jokes or situations that no one else finds funny. Nerdy interests like....Sailor Moon, anime and video games. Maybe even simply music, you'll find a way to connect with someone through either listening to the same genre of music or playing music with them...even just talking about it. Comparing good and bad days. You can't really do that with a random person I mean ya could but with a friend you can rant and rave and they'll know exactly what you mean if you tell them your step fag's an idiot(see, if you're reading this and don't know me, you don't know what I mean by step fag or maybe ya do but it's improbable).

I can tell you exactly who some of my friends are and what it is that makes us kinda unite...or what I think...

My Mireille, I think we get along because I'm a dork and deep down inside her social, popular core, she's a pretty big dork too. Difference is, I'm kind of a goof and she's just cute :P.

Julie, we get along through music and we both share the outer illusion of being shy and quiet at all times...let me tell you, that girl can talk and laugh and...act innocent. Is all I'm saying. I don't think anyone can see through my shit like she can either ahaha...damn..

J-D, we have been best friends since grade 4. I feel super comfortable with all of my friends but honestly, I don't even feel any sort of pressure of what to talk about or what not to talk about with her it's just weird we just click. I can act stupid and she can pretend she's not just as weird. But when it comes down to it, we both hate mainly the same things, we both bitch the same way, we both laugh at stupid things....we're like really messed up twins. I find.

Chriss...well she's my girlfriend. I think we bond because we both try to seem kind of tough but we're really not...at all....I mean, I'm pretty tough on the outside don't get me wrong I'M A TANK....Ok maybe not so much....*Backs down*...

Dianne : I have no clue what it is, honestly, but I know Julie could tell me if I asked nicely......or not. Who knows. I just love Dianne. Haha.

So that's what I think about why some of my friends are my friends. But what I'm really interested in is what YOU think about your friends and why you understand each other so well. Or maybe it's not even like that, maybe your friends are the ones who DON'T get you...So post a comment and let me know what you think.

: D

Let's Make This Last Forever

Update on the Blink-182 concert, :

IT WAS AMAZING!

The trip to Montreal in the car was fun. J-D bought a 40 pack of timbits. We stopped at at least 10 Tim Hortons'. We had a bit of a hard time finding the subway when we finally got to Montreal but...we got there...couldn't find a washroom for the life of us. It took us about half an hour to decide to go look harder for one and another little while to get there...but maybe that's just because there's three different escalators you have to take before getting above ground...Anyhow. We finally found it, saw the most gigantic male and female door signs. J-D INSISTED on taking a picture...haha. Then we went and waited for our friend to meet us there...that took a while. And when she finally got there, we bolted for the Bell Centre. But guess what? We were about two hours early getting there because there is no line when you have seats. We waited from about 4 o'clock until 6:30pm to go in. In the meanwhile, we found a merch tent which we thought would be the only one, and bought a few t-shirts. There wasn't a ton of selection but we got what we wanted. Then finally, inside, there was SO MUCH MORE. And when we found our seats, we busted out and went to get more stuff. All-in-all, 145$ spent with 15$ to spare (it's all I brought cash-wise, they don't take debit at a merch tent haha). After buying all my stuff, we went back to our seats. J-D was still in there with our tickets. Security didn't seem to want to let us through but they did. Not very good security, honestly. Anyhow. Cutting the shit and getting to the concert...

It started off with a smaller band named Planet Smashers. They weren't terrible but I wasn't impressed or anything. Honestly, they sort of gave me a headache but maybe that's just me. It was like a bad version of NOFX, but everyone knows you can't be anything like NOFX without Fat Mike. But it wasn't a big deal, they didn't have a very long set. Maybe barely an hour...Then, the anticipation rose as Fall Out Boy's set was next and they happen to be J-D's favorite band. Well, they were pretty good. They opened with Sugar, We're Going Down, which was a good choice because it's a well-known, slightly older song. It was a good hit and everyone loved it. Then they played a few more older songs, like before From Under The Cork Tree, so that made me pretty happy. They played some new stuff too which isn't bad but I'm not a big fan of their new album. They also played a cover of Don't Stop Believin' by Journey which I thought was pretty rad but maybe I just like old music.

LAST BUT NOT LEAST...

My hands were getting shaky, my head a bit sweaty, my heart was beating a thousand miles an hour for what was about to come...and then finally, curtains dropped and there they were. The Mark, Tom and Travis show, right in front of my eyes...well actually, a little off to the side based on where we were..but you know what I mean. It was AMAZING. They played a wide variety of their songs, their set almost lasted two hours....if not more. I'm not sure. It was long but it sure wasn't boring. I almost fell over some girls seat hopping and banging my head and trying to restrain myself from jumping down to try to reach the small mosh pit the people on the floor had been trying to create all night. I was very pleased, I never wanted it to end. When they played Stay Together For The Kids and said it was about them, I nearly cried. I had such a good night and such a good trip. Blink-182, welcome back. : D Hopefully, they'll be putting out a new album sometime after their tour. And I'm going to pre-order it the second I can. Man oh Man.

And my own two arms will carry you tonight, tonight...

Today is the 1 year anniversary of my friend Samantha Berard's death...She passed away last summer in a drinking and driving accident. The poor girl,only 17, never made it home. Tonight, they're having a memorial walk from the accident site to her home. It's been a pretty rough day but I've managed without letting anyone see how upset I truly am. It's not just the fact that a friend of mine died, it's the whole driving under the influence thing...I mean just recently, three kids died cuz they were walking near the road and a drunk driver hit them. A taxi driver told me and my gf that some lady got crushed or something along the lines of that by some sort of heavy machinery because some idiot construction worker was not only drinking and driving, he was on the job, in a large bulldozer, drunk. The construction workers on the job with him? All drunk. Isn't that unreal? How irresponsible can people be...It makes me sick. People view organizations like M.A.D.D. or S.A.D.D. or anything like that as ridiculous and overdramatic. They think it's a joke. "Who's dumb enough to drink and drive" - obviously, a lot of people. "What's the big deal, nothing's ever happened to me, if you only drink a little bit, who cares. " I'm sure the friends and families of people who've gone through losing someone because something as stupid as driving under the influence care quite a bit. It doesn't matter if it's "just a bit". Good for you if nothing's ever happened yet. It doesn't make it more responsible, it doesn't justify the action as right. It drives me crazy that people don't see that. Am I a crazy Teen Against Drunk Driving? No. I have looked into such organizations so that I could find comfort in other people who understood what I was going through when Sam passed...but...I've never been part of any organizations. Am I just hypersensitive because I've been affected by it? Partially, but it's not like I thought it was a good idea to begin with, for someone to get into a car drunk. Any views on this subject? Let me know what you think about this. I'd like to hear it. Or even any relating subjects. Wanna vent? Go ahead. Always here to hear it.

R.I.P. Sam

Teacher leave those kids alone...

So, music is probably the most powerful thing in the universe. It contains so much energy, so much emotion and so much fucking radness, it's unbelievable. What's even more powerful is the energy that comes from a concert. The music booming in your ears, the people's excitement flowing high all around, the anticipation of your favorite band playing right in front of you, you stand, your legs going numb because even the ground is trembling in unison with the bass pounding and the guitar's melody carrying out everywhere. Plus the singer's always pumping you up, singing, screaming, shouting, urging you to do the same.

There's always that one concert that you can't ever get out of your head. My two most memorable so far being Billy Talent and Hedley. Billy Talent was a while back but I can still remember my legs feeling like they were gonna fall off after the concert was over for having spent hours on end standing and screaming and pounding my fist in the air. And with Hedley, it was just...I don't really know how to explain it, I've never felt so free in my life as when I went to the Hedley concert, as korny as that may sound. BUT. In a little over a week, the punk/pop melody of a band that's been around for over a decade (if you take away the hiatus) will be ringing in my ears. My ultimate favorite band for many years now, Blink-182, in Montreal. Oh yeah. And then at the end of the month, coming to Sudbury Summerfest 2009! Our Lady Peace!. August is always such a good month. So many concerts, so many bands, so much positive energy everywhere. I love it. For year, I've been going to these music festivals every summer. Since I was little, I used to go to the North BayHeritage Festival where I've seen the likes of Amanda Marshall, Treble Charger, David Usher, Honeymoon Suite, etc...and just last year they changed it to North Rocks The Bay where we saw Hedley and a bunch of local bands. Then I started going to the Sudbury Summerfest. Just last year, I saw Illscarlett, State of Shock, Finger Eleven ( watch the video ), Low Level Flight and unfortunately, Kardinal Offishall ( not a big fan of rap but it was that or country and my sister enjoyed it ). It's just so pleasant.

If anybody ever reads this, what are some of the bands you've seen live before that you enjoyed, whether they be famous or just locally known and how was the experience, what do you remember most about it? If you've never been to a concert, who would you like to go see and why?

I'll keep you posted as to how well the concerts go. I'll probably also post pictures of them as well as of the merch I get :).

Also, don't forget to watch the vid. It's Finger Eleven doing some Pink Floyd (Another Brick In The Wall) and getting back into Paralyzer before ending the concert. Enjoy :P.