It's finally come to my attention that I've let this blog fall for far too long. My last post was way back when college started...now the school year is over and I suppose I could commence writing entries in here once again. *breathes* soooo here we go giant update!
My first semester of college was ok. In November I broke up with my girlfriend of three years because it just was not working out... I decided that for once in my life, I wasn't going to be an moron and do something because I didn't want to hurt anyone else... I realized that being happy is an important part of being happy and unfortunately sometimes you can't make yourself AND others happy and sometimes you have to choose selfishly to make yourself happy...make sure that you're 'o.k.'. So long story short... I broke up with her.
Around the beginning of January, I sort of started seeing my friend Emily who was there for me before and after my break-up. Things were very easy with her. She's an interesting person; she's musical, she's extremely knowledgeable about...well...everything. To a lot of people, she probably looks intimidating. She probably looks like she's either a very happy or very neutral person...She's not. She's not the rock she makes herself out to be. She's a sweet and very sensitive person... And I didn't wanna do anything to fuck up with her, so we took things very VERY slowly. Just-to-say we were seeing each other type deal.
By March... Emily and I were talking less. It kinda sucked, I felt hurt, I felt as though she had given up on me. I let my mind settle into that thought. But I had started talking to my best friend Chels E.'s very amazing girlfriend. ...now ex-best friend and ex-best friend's ex-girlfriend...I know, I know. EXPLAIN. I will. Here goes...
As I said, we began talking more often. I'm not exactly sure how that started but it did. I already had a tiny crush on this girl, nothing drastic of course I just thought she was a really nice girl and that my friend was lucky to have her. Not an unusual thing, I was happy for my friend. Anyhow. As you can imagine, the more we spoke, the more I began to like this girl. She's funny, she's sweet, she's intelligent and selfless. She likes the same korny things I do. The more I thought of this, the more I began to gain feelings for her. In a way, I enjoyed the feeling. I was amused by the fact that I could tell she was feeling the same because at the time, it wasn't a big deal to me. It was all in my head and heart and no one knew and it wasn't going to go anywhere...right?
Wrong.
We eventually ended up admitting our feelings for each other. We agreed not to let it go anywhere, that it wasn't a huge thing, we couldn't help it and it would probably go away. We kept on talking...kept on texting...kept on skyping...started talking more about feelings...occasionally flirting...Began to be a little afraid...Began to be a little sad...Dreaming of us together one day but thinking there was no way it could ever happen. That's my BEST FRIEND's girlfriend. NOT mine. Things got so difficult... I couldn't even handle looking at them together... I began to develop slight jealousy issues but also a whole lot of guilt.
Things took a turn the Sunday February 28th... That day before my shift I specifically remember texting Tiff... And her saying something along the lines of 'you can't tell what the future holds'...Later that night...halfway through my shift, I snuck out my phone to check my texts... I felt like something might be wrong...I was right. Tiffany and Chelsea broke up. Now, you're probably thinking what the majority of people thought... "she broke up with her for you." Again, you'd be wrong. They broke up because Tiff needed time to think...That's it. The next day I find out my ex is going on a date with Tiff's ex. First of all, wtf. Second of all....wtf. The Tuesday right after that, I went to hang out with Emily. Things went well. Except the fact that tiff texted me saying she couldn't do this anymore, she doesn't like me that way and all this crap... Needless to say I was pretty upset. I ended up crying on Emily's shoulder. I felt like such a tool. It's the only point in time I've EVER been mad at Tiffany. But more so.. I was angry at myself for having let in the thought of her liking me. I didn't expect anything to happen between us. Hell, I was scared of it. I already felt like I messed up enough just having liked her.. I ended up asking out Emily through texting that night before I went home. I didn't get any reply to it so I simply left it at "I guess that's a no". When I was finally home, I couldn't sleep. I believe I slept a total of 3 miserable hours. And then I finally texted Tiffany. I told her I don't care if she doesn't like me, I don't care that nothing can happen.... I just cared about keeping her in my life. I couldn't deal with losing her. Besides, she'd promised never to abandon me... I found out that she had ...had a rough night...to say the least..and got worried about her. After talking for a bit I went over to her place to make sure she was alright and try to take care of her. Things were complicated...very complicated. I can't even explain everything on here because it was so complicated. Things were hard, I tried to be there for her best I could, tried to be strong on my part because I was very soft on this girl... I began to love this girl very quickly... We started seeing each other after a while... I told her to take her time... we took that time. And March 14th 2010, we started officially going out. :). Things have been slightly dramatic with ex problems but our relationship itself has been nothing but ups. I fell i n love with her. March 23rd, after the Billy Talent concert (which was AWESOME), she told me she was in love with me too...
So, now I have the most amazing girlfriend anyone could ever ask for. Her name is Tiffany Lundrigan. I've never been happier than I am now. It's the greatest reality I've ever experienced, it feels like a dream.
Well, that was one hell of a long update. Much longer than intended. But yeah :).
Later days!
